If I only could...

I couldn’t even be with my precious angel on her birthday yesterday and I deeply regret not having to celebrate her special day with her. I had to work for her and provide her with her financial needs from a faraway city and I am saying that being a single parent is not an easy task at all. Not being with her makes me worry bout lots of things. I know she is in very good hands with my mom but still I know she needs her own mother too. But she and I will be together again soon and I am working hard towards that goal.

I remember how she came into our lives 10 years ago- It was the most precious moment in my life even when I was overwhelmed with uncertainties since my first day of conception. I was in the caesarian section in Seoul Korea and I was totally scared of all those surgical paraphernalia that I saw on the surgeon’s table. I thought, hell, they were going to cut me open. What if they made a mistake and forgot to stitch me up again? What if they dropped the baby? What if the anesthetic lapsed in the middle of the surgery? Whew! Giving birth is no fun. But the sight of your offspring is something beyond words. I thank god that he gave me a very healthy baby. Now I have better reasons to live even when life does not always promise each day to be a joyous one. For my daughter, I always have a song:

If I Could
By: Barbra Streisand

If I Could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
give you courage in a world of compromise
yes I would
If I could
I would teach you all the things I've never learned
and I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
yes I would
if I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
but the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow
so I could let you go
if I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
but I know that I can never cry your tears
but I would
if I could
if I live in a time and place where you don't want to be
you don't have to walk along this road with me
my yesterday won't have to be your way
if I knew
how I'd try to change the world I brought you to
and there isn't very much that I can do
but I would
if I could
if I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
but that part of life I gave you isn't mine
I watched you grow so I could let you go
if, if I could
I would help you make it through those hungry years
but I know that I can never cry your tears
but I would
if I could
yes I would
yes I would
if I could