I Oh's visit

Last week, I Oh came to visit mommy. I had fun with her together with Lola. She has grown so big already that I think she is starting to resemble me. She likes mommy's style when it comes to clothing and she thinks mommy is the coolest. She was never fussy as a child and I don't recall any instance when she would at all make a scene when she wanted something and she couldn't have it. Unlike any other kids I see at the mall at times, she never stomped her feet in disapproval nor even showed anybody that she was crying. She would cry ofcourse, but never loud enough to grab anybody's attention. I liked her when she was a baby too, she would always stop crying when she heard mommy's songs. She would forget about the dog she would like to squeeze so much when you placed her in any container filled with water. When you said "no" she never said any word back. She now never asks for anything at all. When at the mall, she would always tell me what she thinks is nice and which one's not but she would never suggest anything she would like mommy to buy for her. She would always just wait. I am blessed with my little girl and there is one thing so far I was not able to give her yet until now - a little baby sister or brother. I like it when things go that way, but sometimes I wonder why she hates math. She excelled in anything at school, but when it comes to mathematics, she doesn't even want to talk about it. Hehe. totally opposite from how her mommy was when she was her age.

I Oh at Mall of Asia

While waiting for her ID pictures at a Photo Imaging Center

While Lola was getting ready for the long walk at MOA

Daddy waiting for Lola

Ever seen a banana as big as that?

My steamed pink salmon topped with a sauce made out of extra virgin olive oil, fresh mint leaves, lemon juice, sweet mangoes, purple grapes, crashed garlic, wall nuts and pistachio.. yummy dinner for everyone

trying each on... he doesn't need them

A scene in Divisoria. Brother and I went there to find something cheaper than in the malls.

Asked for a sign whether he was around... and this is what i got. Haha

3 Long years... Don't you remember my love?

Sands of Time 2

I heard a loud crash in my room and when I came to look, I found out that it was my shoebox filled with all the Christmas decors from last year. When I picked them all and placed them all back in the box I found this pen that rolled far under my bed. It isn't an ordinary pen I thought... for it contains the sand that he once brought me. The pen has a transparent tube, I could see the brown sand inside. It was the sand he picked from Cambodia and brought to me as a present. He made a promise to me before, that he would always bring me sand from where he literally stood everyday so I would feel that he was always near me. It wasn't entirely his idea but he agreed with me that it was something unusual. It was an idea uniquely belonging to just the two of us. Now I am looking at that sand he gave me personally and I could not stop myself from smiling and at the same time crying while thinking of him. I never dared to touch the little rolled tissue placed in with the sand to prevent it from spilling out of the tube... he was the one who placed that in. Wherever my love is now... he no longer stands anywhere for me.

I am sure I dreamt of him last Saturday. It was a nice one. So short but filled with so much emotion. A happy one... he was beside me smiling at me and stroking my hair. That's all!

Autumn is bidding me goodbye

Gusty winds have blown many dried leaves to our garden today and I don't know how I will ever get the time to sweep them off and make the place look neat again. As a matter of fact, I like the wild look of our garden anyway. I like to see heaps of dried leaves and hear them crackle when I step on them. When the wind blows in and tosses them back and forth... I think of all the best musical scores of Vangelis and even James Horner or Hanz Zimmer.... I think of the time he wore white and came to me and say " I am home" in a dream.... I think of his face and how life has changed after running my hands on his cheeks. Autumn is almost over. I am cold.

Happy Birthday Dear Sunshine

If I Could
by: Barbra Streisand

I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
give you courage in a world of compromise
yes I would, If I could
I would teach you all the things I've never learned
and I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
yes I would, if I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
but the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow, so I could let you go
if I could, I would help you make it through the hungry years
but I know that I can never cry your tears
but I would, if I could
if I live in a time and place where you don't want to be
you don't have to walk along this road with me
my yesterday won't have to be your way
if I knew, how I'd try to change the world I brought you to
and there isn't very much that I can do
but I would, if I could
if I could, I would try to shield your innocence from time
but that part of life I gave you isn't mine
I watched you grow so I could let you go
if, if I could... I would help you make it through those hungry years
but I know that I can never cry your tears
but I would, if I could
yes I would... yes I would
if I could

The world he never promised me

He did not... but I had it.. It slept through my hands and I can't pick up the pieces anymore. It wasn't meant to be coz nothing gets built on weak sand for me. His promises were but illusions... a candy that easily melted away in the sweetness of his tongue. I shouldn't have believed... but it was too sweet to resist. 

I have such small hands

The string is starting to slip off my finger. I could see it drift farther and farther away. The details are starting to become hazy and its shadow is starting to disappear before my eyes. I opened my hand and I could see the faintest trace left in my palm. I do not know how long I could keep it but it surely is fading away far quicker than the rain on the sand dunes.