who says life has ever been so fair? I am inlove.. but all alone. i have not at all moved on. i am still here dreaming of the same person, thinking of the same person and loving the same person as if nothing ever had happened. I love you my love. i always have. come back to me

Thank you for the memories

I went out with my friend last Saturday and we both went for a little swim in the hotel where we both were health club members some 2 years ago. There wasn't anybody in the pool when we got there and everything seemed so still around us. The place rang with our laughter as we reminisced the past  and ofcourse your name had to surface as always whenever we had to talk about our precious love life. It was fun being with my old friend again and just like before, we also spoke of sad things. I haven't transcended much from that chapter where you have left me. And funny enough, wherever I looked, I saw reminders of you. It is almost as if, you have been mocking me all these years. As I lay afloat the 14ft deep waters of that pool, rain trickled on my face. I could hear my friend still talking to me and telling me about something, but my focus was on that red light of The City Garden. My friend's voice almost faded and I missed everything she spoke about as my mind went back to our room long ago. Then to the left I saw another blue light. It is from that of the very tall building called Fraser's Place. The rain started to come down heavily on us and it felt so nice on my face. I was lost  and in a pool of pleasant memories all of a sudden. I could almost feel him kissing me and I could almost feel his arms around me. I could almost believe in the thought that he is missing me right at that very moment.

Hey! Dya think it's a good idea to eat there?...  I heard my friend's voice again. She was asking me and I did not have any clue as to which place she was talking about. So I just said "yes".

We just had dinner at the Outback Steakhouse some 2 hours before swimming and after that we had to go to Fridays too?. Grrr.. I love eating but I really hoped I wouldn't be anywhere near Fridays anymore. :o( It would be too sad for me again because all I remembered that day was nothing and nobody but him. How I miss those days when my phone rang and I would be hearing his voice on the line. How I miss sitting anywhere in a restaurant and all I would be staring at was his face. At that time, I never saw this. I never saw he would be gone forever.

We left Fridays at about 11pm. And when I asked my friend where she was going to stay for the night, she hollered back at me, " Fersal! And I am not kidding."

I drove home that night with all the tears in my eyes again. I could not believe I even told my friend that it has always been the same with me.... that I have always loved you despite of everything and that I really do miss you more than anything.

i miss you my love. just wanna let you :o) i remember your voice so well. the sound of your laughter, your dimples, your mole.

Such a busy day

I took time off work, then I just stayed home. I thought I would be less busy but I was wrong. I had to do all the chores anyway. I miss going elsewhere doing something else. I wish I could take that diving lessons and just have a certificate for diving too. I know I will eventually do that and all I would have in my mind when I finally get my certificate, is you. I always have admired you and I was proud of you at the back of my mind. I wished I would be enjoying the things you have enjoyed before. Diving was one of them. I know I won't be as good as you because I remember you had an advanced open-sea diver's certificate. Hehe it will be really tough to beat that and I don't intend to at all. Whew.... But how I wish I'd be diving with you. I dreamt of that always. The seas... then you with me.

today's dinner

i found an unusually pointed egg in the tray today

some baked ingredient for the salad. fresh tomatoes and pimientos. drizzled extra virgin olive oil and added cloves of garlic too.

mexican minetrone

memories

i went through all the letters you have sent me before.. some hurt so bad but yes i have realized you spoke of the truth. there were many things that left you unhappy of me, my love... and there were many things too that made you really mad at me. but i really wanna overlook all those and just think of the happy things only. I am sad coz i wanted to be the one who could ever make you happy but through the years I have realized how i have lost the spot to your loved ones in your life. i have done many things in thinking that i cannot see no future in your actions towards me as i was always considered an outsider. you have spent and sacrificed a lot for me and i cannot deny that. but how i wish i could return them to you. these days, i look from the top, i can only see from a birds eye view of how everything turned out so sour i cannot even forgive myself for my existence now. you have no idea how you haunt me and all i wanted to do now is have that chance to speak with you again.. my soulmate. my love..my life..my happiness. there are so many things you will never comprehend in me but i also know how you might not care anymore... and that is what breaks my heart so much. i have things and people who make me happy now but that part about a soul that can only be comforted by my soul mate remains cold. i have not seen the end till it came to me. it crashes me every single day.. i cannot live like this.

You and I and no one else my love

Where are you my love?

I was watching this movie again - the notebook and all i could do is wish i would have the one i love to love me like this forever. i want a never ending love, a love i will see forever. i think of this everyday and i wish for it to be mine soon. Love... i live for it.

I can't contain it :( I cry again every night remembering you my love. I really miss you so much I don't understand why I can't just forget you totally. you somehow had to creep into my mind at some point only to make me feel this way. i miss what we had so bad i could just wish i am back there in that time forever

I looked at all the videos you took of us my love and I can't stop laughing at that moment on the elephant. I see you and that lovely smile you have. I am so happy I have them all on video. Now I miss you to tears. I really do. I wish for you, to be just back with me again.. don't know how... but I will love that feeling so much.

i miss that feeling...when you have to step out of the shower and open the door to a room where he sits waiting for you. I wanna write something that i can protect with a password. only him will be able to know how to open it ofcourse. hahha. I shall come up with that. i miss him so. i think of the days he and i would enjoy each others company. just him and i. how i wish those days were back

Memories of you

All the things I say might sound so cliche already. But what can I do? I cannot get rid of the thought of you in my mind. How I miss you so much my love. Please... show me some hint that I am not remembering this all alone to myself. Please let me feel you miss me too. I love you as my heart has always promised you