Life has changed so much for you since then, hasn't it my love? And so did it for me. :) I am sure you know how to supply my real face in the place of this smiley that I have just typed here. If you really are there.. or so at least as though I am talking to your spirit now... I hope you would read on and just set the most subtle tone to every line you read in this blog today.
It has indeed been a very long time since I last saw you po. I could not even imagine how I could trace my way back inside my mind so I could catch a glimpse of you back in time and follow every single event in your life that lead you to what's now. You must be one very happy man now that you might not even be thinking in the same way that I do. Or maybe you don't because there is simply no need for it anymore. You know at this point I am hoping so hard that I am wrong. :( You must be one heck of a very busy family man now for a rapidly growing family... I should be happy about that by the way. But something inside me let's me feel the other way.
It is one heck of a very complicated feeling I am feeling inside right now. I miss you so much but my mind tells me to forget about it too because I am only investing so much emotion on the wrong person. But how can you be so wrong for me when at the same time you are the only subject in my head that makes me yearn and want and covet and crave and you name it...I got it for you.
I really wish my words mean anything to you even when you can't do anything about it anymore. I don't know why I did not have that complete power over you and why I drew you in too late to make you my one and only own? Why did it have to be at that time? Why did I feel so different for you and why do I still believe that until now? I wanna scream and I wanna just completely toss you out of my life so that I don't feel sad when I look far across the coziest landscapes and you won't be there.
How I bleed inside of me when I think about you and I can't do a freakin thing at all. I simply am so bad in your eyes or anybody else's. How I implode when there are no other words that come to my mind but I love you. How I die when I reach out in the dark for you and you don't talk to me at all. ...Not a single word. Not a slightest hint of memory from your part. How hard it is. How difficult it is to feel this. I am tired of it and I scream so hard for the 7th year to wipe it all away from that little realm of memory.
But my heart is far more influential than my thoughts in most cases- for at least myself only.
