Sands of Time

I have been following him everywhere. I search, I check broken links, I find new numbers, I succeed. But then I stop right there. What do I do next? Nothing... I know I am at a dead end. Everything lies still and motionless in my hands. I look around me and realized that everything has changed. The trees all around me have grown much bigger while I have grown much smaller in the midst of yearning for the things that never seem to come my way anymore. No tables are turning, or maybe not yet. I check all his photographs with me- they too have gone so outdated. He must look so different now and feel so different about the memories in his head. He must not be the one I have grown so much to love anymore. He is no longer my soulmate for what kind of soulmate would cease to care and hurt me more than anybody else has ever done? I feel sorrow now... so intense that I could not open my eyes. The sand he gathered for me are all clenched in my hands. But then I could feel that he is so far away from that spot where he used to stand and think of me. He promised me before that in every place he would go, he would always bag a sand from under his feet for me.

So distant is the place you have isolated yourself into, my love. I could no longer reach you. I could not feel you anymore behind me. I could no longer hold your hand in my dreams. I vow your cruelty will not last. For someday.... the winds from the prairie will bring you back to me...both body and soul.

When things arent yet for me, they never come. But I hope so well, I know they will always be granted to me in many forms. I have loved, I still feel the same and I am sure nothing will ever change that. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow will be mine again.

Even Now

I wake up to the same set of emotions. I start to grow tired bottling it all up inside me and good thing I have my blogs to help me let it all out. Today I looked outside and saw a fresh set of puffy clouds over the yellowbell flowers in our garden. I thought I saw his face in the clouds in the same manner I set his face in one of my photoshop images that I have posted earlier on in this very same blog page. It still remains vivid in my head now. I went back to my room to prepare my new blog contents while the inspiration to do so is on. He has always been the same thought that comes to my mind that triggers all sorts of things in my head that I would always like to write about. He has always been my inspiration and i know it shall remain the same forever.

I wish I know what he is doing now. I wish he will always think of me too and come find me and my blogs almost everyday. I wish he knows how I am and how I am feeling even when he chose to be away forever. Even so, I still love him the way i always did

10-year-old messengers

i always have all my messengers on everytime i come online for work. it is an ordinary thing to see friends pop in and go off and common for me to apply stealth settings on anyone i did not want to talk to (almost everyone). i like to hide especially when I am busy and i always go invisible on everybody. but today is a different day. when i turned on my computer, my msn messenger came on first, and with it came a window that declared their 10th year anniversary. msn is 10 years old today and it gave away a little gift to anybody using it. this made me think of things i shouldn't have thought of today. I remembered him again. Tears streamed down my cheeks again especially when i realized how alone I feel despite hundreds of contacts in my messengers. deep within me, i have been waiting for him to come online and remember to say those words he would always say to me. i miss those times when he would secretly be waiting for me online and when i did, he would suddenly throw in his loud cyber kisses. it was always difficult for us to say our goodbyes to each other whenever we had to log off. our goodbye sessions would normally run till 20 minutes every single day. gone were those days. my messengers still looks the same. I purposely download the older versions so I wouldn't loose the feel of still coming online just like in the past years. I don't want to wake up to the truth that everything is just simply gone. I still wanted to believe that he is still there checking me out even without my knowledge. how i miss those days and how i miss him most of all :o(

Dearest Mom

This is myy mom, maybe in her 20's. I just got this from a very old shoe box. I am sure she will find this funny after I have shown it to her.

Build it for me... please.

The wedding by terraincognita11th

Perseid Wishes

Today i was so excited about seeing the Perseid meteor shower which they say could be visible in the evening skies where I am now. But when I ran out, the skies were actually overcast :0( I thought this was already the opportunity for me to even make thousands and hundreds of thousands of wishes hahahaaa. Now it goes to show that none of my wishes of love will be answered... maybe not now. I shall go out again tomorrow to try my luck again as they say this phenomenon will not go away in one day.

I had a little drive yesterday after I took a day off my work. I was looking for a petrol station that offered cheaper unleaded. I know of a place that almost constantly offers the cheapest price compared to the rest in the city. It is the one near Tagaytay. It is far from where I live but I do enjoy the long drive along the hillsides. It makes me feel closer to my solitude. It makes me feel his presence even more.
I have constantly thought of him. Whenever I did, I always smile till I get to the bitter parts of the story again. I have always felt the same. In time, the intensity of my feelings has never changed. Someday... I know I would see him again. I feel it.

The voyage of the lost

I woke up early today because I had to get ready to meet a client in another city. I woke up to a very cold room. The rain was pouring outside, and my windows were left open with the exhaust fan working the entire night through. No wonder I had the winter scene in my dream.

I dreamt I was looking at a stony hillside and I could see my brother and someone trying to lift a large boulder off the road so my car could get through. I saw how they did not have the slightest problem lifting the thing off the ground and tossing it as far away as I could have thrown a pebble off. Then the scene changed. I was in a thick woods with my brother and he was arranging a little opportunity for me to travel through a foreign land protected by his presence. But I could feel how lost I was in that thick woods. I kept walking with him till we got to a little stall. It was the only thing in the woods that made me feel that there are others out there as far distant as I am from everybody in the world. I walked towards the little store and I could see lots of goodies just left hung outside as if trying to ironically suggest that much people always frequented the place despite the eerie silence of the world around it. I saw nothing but trees and there wasn't even a soul around us aside from the birds. I suddenly got something from the stall and thought of keeping it for myself for I thought there wasn't any storekeeper inside to keep an eye on it anyway. I was surprised when I heard a voice from inside the stall asking me what I wanted. When I told her I wanted nothing, she suddenly mentioned how she knew I had something in my hands that belonged to her. Embarrassed, I got back to her and paid for the fan that I took. I looked at that thing in my hand and I realized how the native fan did not at all look like the ordinary ones I would normally see in the shops. As I spread it open, I saw a beautiful kaleidoscope unfold in my hands. Then it was time for me to travel alone. My brother suddenly disappeared from the scene. And I was left alone in a vessel that floated from the still rivers of Cambodia to a misty land I could only admire from afar. Then the vessel brought me near a station in the middle of the ocean where I was greeted by guards asking nicely for my passport. While they had my passport in their hands, I had the chance to look around and see how the floating trees were covered with beautiful snowflakes. The guard gave me back my passport saying: "Thank you maam, and Welcome to Australia" " I can see you have travelled far enough to whatever you might be looking for" I found what he said so strange that I had to look around again and make sure I was in the place he indeed welcomed me to- Australia. Then by the port, I thought I saw something ... or someone familiar. I was looking at those trees again while the vessel drew closer to the dock. He was there smiling at me... wearing the same clothes he wore when he last saw me off at the airport in Cambodia.

Too far off

I think I went a little too far with my idea of having to have a new blog site. It lead me to also think of having and actually really having a real website that earns money. I actually had to purchase a new domain name and spend on a real Joomla template too. I plan to do my business using this new site and I don't know whether I will have the time to do all this by myself. Managing a real site and not just a personal blog site will entail a lot of work and time. I wish to be able to put up a real e-commerce site, something that I should be good at after 9 years of experience. My new personal blog is still under construction. I wish I could finish it soon before the freshest stories run off with time.