Thursday, June 27, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
A glimpse at an ancient you.
I saw you in a dream. You were lying next to me but we weren't alone with each other in bed. I saw my baby next to me too. I looked at you while you were asleep and I could not help but fall in love with you again. The scene is from an old house of ours. It was so distant in the past and it felt like I had a good tour of the past again. The blanket around you was mine when I was little and I notice how ancient the image of you was. You were faded and you were in sepia while the rest looked black and white around you.
You woke up and the first thing I noticed when you looked in my eyes was that mole you have in the middle of your brows. You sat and just looked at me but you had nothing to say. You seemed to be just there naturally even when in my mind, nothing seemed true. I searched in your eyes but I could not see me. I wasn't there after all. I was only looking at you as a part of my distant past.
Then I went to find my mom in the kitchen. She cast an inquisitive look at me and even when she never spoke it out, I told her what I thought she wanted to hear. I told her you weren't there anymore and that you already left. I told her you have forgotten me and you no longer are coming back to me (referring to you as someone who has forgotten that you have promised me something eternal). I saw the sadness in my own eyes in the mirror. And I felt the heaviness of an abandoned heart inside me. I dashed up the steps back to my room and you no longer were there. The room did not look black and white anymore but you weren't there. My blanket was neatly folded on top of my pillow and there wasn't a trace of you. But my heart was heavy. I was sobbing in pain in one corner of my bed till I heard the rain outside my window. I peeked out and there you were... standing in the rain but looking at me in recognition. I ran downstairs but you again disappeared.
I woke up and yes...it was raining outside.
What a dream! I sometimes think why of all the people who came and went, why does it feel like an important part of my past is gone? I have had minor relationships in my life I guess even before you and none of them felt as deep as mine for you. It has been 7 years since we last met...but funny it feels just as intense as when we were together. Even my ex husband doesn't make me remember that way even when he is an important part of my past. Oh how I do remember you so bad. I can't contain it sometimes.
You woke up and the first thing I noticed when you looked in my eyes was that mole you have in the middle of your brows. You sat and just looked at me but you had nothing to say. You seemed to be just there naturally even when in my mind, nothing seemed true. I searched in your eyes but I could not see me. I wasn't there after all. I was only looking at you as a part of my distant past.
Then I went to find my mom in the kitchen. She cast an inquisitive look at me and even when she never spoke it out, I told her what I thought she wanted to hear. I told her you weren't there anymore and that you already left. I told her you have forgotten me and you no longer are coming back to me (referring to you as someone who has forgotten that you have promised me something eternal). I saw the sadness in my own eyes in the mirror. And I felt the heaviness of an abandoned heart inside me. I dashed up the steps back to my room and you no longer were there. The room did not look black and white anymore but you weren't there. My blanket was neatly folded on top of my pillow and there wasn't a trace of you. But my heart was heavy. I was sobbing in pain in one corner of my bed till I heard the rain outside my window. I peeked out and there you were... standing in the rain but looking at me in recognition. I ran downstairs but you again disappeared.
I woke up and yes...it was raining outside.
What a dream! I sometimes think why of all the people who came and went, why does it feel like an important part of my past is gone? I have had minor relationships in my life I guess even before you and none of them felt as deep as mine for you. It has been 7 years since we last met...but funny it feels just as intense as when we were together. Even my ex husband doesn't make me remember that way even when he is an important part of my past. Oh how I do remember you so bad. I can't contain it sometimes.
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