lazy weekend preparations

some burger I made with oregano herbs. and i made some pumpkin chowder too.

The carbonara i made out of some left over bacon of yesterday. Hahaa. it tasted nice. The spinach fritters did not really please my palate.

mixing the carbonara sauce

did taste nice with parmesan and slices of cheese with cumin seeds

yellowcab pizza today. Just too lazy to cook really

my breakfast. I love steamed okra and some sauce with fresh green tomatoes

i know salad does not really go with fish fillets. but i really love beetroot salad with lemon and coriander leaves to go with it. i made some sour onion dip too with a hint of mustard.

How long will you love me this way? How long will you keep on hiding your face from me? I talk to you as I close my eyes every night. And these are the exact same questions I often ask you. I always smile at the thought of you especially when I remember those days when you were with me. The last videos you took of me, I could hear you speak in the background.... those caring words when you always needed to remind me to be extra cautious. I felt how much you treated me like an egg. You always thought I was so delicate and I could never ask for more. These memories make me cry for I can only miss them so much. So far, nothing compares to the joys you have ever brought me my love. I will never ever cast them aside. Memories of you will always be the best in my mind. I am forgetting anything that hurt me. Now I shall smile as I think of you. Sarangheyo

Be with me

thanks to http://www.photoshoptutorials.ws

It has been a while. I have sulked in sorrow since my dog passed away :( I am sad that I don't even wanna go and visit the place where I used to live in. I really miss my dog so much. Some good things indeed don't last. I wonder how I am going to deal with the realities of life really. I look at the vast mountains in my dream again and the prairie in my thoughts. I could see how everything I have envisioned long before has indeed come true. Why don't I envision and dream of something better this time? If bad things came true... Why don't I let the things that make me happy come true also?

..... I can see that evil smile of mine again. It lurks behind my head... I see it in the mirror. Let it linger please. Let it engulf my entirety again. I shall reap the good ones. I shall pay attention to it and be grateful of them. I have plenty...I can't count them all. But let many more rain upon me. My love, ... My lord, ... I should be happy.

Be with me!

Find Me

I found this song i have never heard before on Youtube. This should sound too naive to others... but I have realized that when you feel the way I do... every basic things like the lyrics of this song does make sense. I speak to him... i wish he hears this too.

I looked into the mirror... then i saw nothing but a vast prairie. I am alone in there... I see nothing but barren land. I walked farther to see if you are there... I don't even smell you in the air. I am in search for you everyday but nobody or nothing comes closer to what I have and what I had in you, my love. How I grieve. I can't get over it no matter how much I try.

I miss you my love :( where are you now? visit me in my dreams please. don't be dead like my dog. I am so devastated. She is the one who knew all and she has left me too. :( i miss you so much po

Goodbye Melissa

I feel so devastated. I have cried so much and I can't stop everytime i remember my dog. She passed away yesterday. She has been at the hospital for more than a week and the vet told me that she is too old to go through any medication and she will only have more complications after another. I have decided to have her put to sleep. How my heart aches. Melissa has been my dog for more than 11 years. How I grieve.. how I hurt. There were times when there was just her and I at home. It was new year and everyone is in the province for a holiday. All the neighbors were festive... while she and I sat together in the house with no preparations on the table. She knew when I was sad... she would snuggle into my arms and start licking my cheeks. I spoke to her about how I feel and told her all my secrets. I now weep for the loss of her. I can't seem to find a better thought that would ease me up a little. My poor poor friend... one who is pure as her white fur.... the most loving pet. I love you Melissa. Mommy will always think about you. How mommy grieves even while writing this for you. How will ever go home and not see you there anymore?

He loves me. I have reason to believe he does love me. He thinks about me and he misses me at times when the signs relating to me appear in front of him. The gray skies, rendezvous, the number 11, this is endless.... but i am only dreaming :(

Has he gained some weight? I will love and adore him just the same. You look handsome in that black and white stripes my love. You look older.. and so is my love for you.

I saw him in my dream... but I forgot what it was all about. I had to think the entire day what it was... but could not remember a thing. It was not until the end of the day that something came to my mind... not thoroughly but quite. It was a baby. I see him smiling at me lovingly. In my hands... i see my baby. She looks like him :) cute dream. wishful thinking maybe..