In one day, I get all the demands of an ever grouchy boss-wanna-be, and ever sluggish male co-workers with automatically minimized adult, game, or sports sites whenever you come over to their desks. Hehe! (The company prohibits too much viewing of these sites as they always use up so much bandwith and that the connection at work is already much slower than a creeping snail off a flower vase- Watching Youtube videos is almost impossible.)
I work really hard and there are days too when I just sit for more than an hour staring blankly at my computer and wishing I can just hang a "Don't Disturb" sign on the back of my chair and go to sleep.
When I feel lazy, I start to notice every single thing around me. Like today, I see how ants are infesting the Starbucks cake box in my trash can and crawling all over the hair tie that I was constantly searching for yesterday. There's that quarter of a day-old soda left unconsumed in my mug and I am starting to pity my miniature desk plant that is constantly pleading for water.
My poor headphone - it has a already a thick strip of plastic adhesive on it to prevent it from totally falling apart because I grab it hurriedly always and put it over my ears whenever my officemate starts singing her throat out.
She realy likes to sing, doesn't she? Shish! Whenever she does, Blessy and I start turning to our YM's in synchrony and setting our music really loud in our ears. I wonder why she can't just do it in the bathroom? ... I wish Simon Cowell were seated with us in our office so that she learns the truth about her voice.
She can always be so very loud at every conversation she makes either with fellow-officemates or with anybody on the phone. And not just that! The entire room shakes whenever she coughs (she always does) or laughs. I can now imagine, green slimy substances all over her keyboards and computer screen. I am afraid they even have crept into the E-world and spread themselves in all the emails that she sends. She seems to want everybody to notice her presence in some sort of a weired way. But to secretly give her the benefit of the doubt- It is possible that she only has some problems with her ears that she doesn't seem to hear herself at all!
There are days that seem like forever at work. And there are times too that seem to fly as quick as the seconds on my watch. I wish this happens all the time.
Dull moments call for more break time with Jerome, Kate, Russel, Shei and her boyfriend RJ. We would always end up talking over barrels of coffee for almost an hour. We always laugh and complain the afternoon away and feel like not wanting to go back to work anymore. Times like this also make me think way back 7 years ago when all I ever thought of, is going to work really early so I could have the time to chat with him before he goes out on a field work. I ended up so into him the entire day, that it was difficult to work. But one thing was always definite- I loved going to work.
He was the only treat I had in a day whenever I was at work. He had all the essential attributes a "vice" should have. He was my weakness. He was worthy of all my valued interest. He was my sunshine.
At that time, my heart always raced with the beat of the drums as Dead can Dance played "Black Sun" on my Winamp. I always had this thing for tribal or terra-ambient music really that whenever I had them on my ears, my imaginations flew everywhere and evolved around him. I always had an overwhelming excitement in anticipation of him knocking at my ICQ window when he got to work. I always felt the adrenalin rush into my veins as his user ID illuminated and flashed at the bottom of my taskbar.
He was also in every online messenger that I used and so much in my hopeful life too.
Since he came into my life, I imagined how every rhythmic beat of trance, new age, blues and rock, highly pressurized and ignited the very core of my long-overlooked secretive desires as a woman . And whenever the thought of him came up, I tried so hard to find some scientific explanation for the " thunder in my fingertips " thingy. To myself, I always attempted to elucidate the abnormal quiver his name brings. And when I did not seem to come up with a valid reason as to why my devilish mind rocked off the thought of working hard, I always smiled in contentment with the belief that I adored the idea of him and nothing other than that should've mattered.
But that was years and years ago and I now begin to wonder if those emotions I harbored in my tiny love chamber and once ignited by the fire of his great mysteries really died like a hopeless ember. Maybe it did because I don't think I am in the same situation now feeling the same emotions for him. This could be due to lots of things that are too much to enumerate now.
As the days moved along, I began to notice how deeply I was involved in a very obscure affair with him yet so elated by the thought that every secrets he revealed meant an inch of penetration into that baffling side of him... But that was long ago and nothing about him baffles me anymore.
I thought of him as an onion. I peeled off a little of him everyday and i got nothing but yet another flake after flake after flake- the more I learned about him the more I got mystified. But maybe "mystified" is no longer the word for me, now that I know how I was lead to think of things that are not at all true about him anymore... after all.
The "flake" thing is all about nothing but his masks that always concealed the truth about him, the things he said and the things he made me believe in. Whew! Anyway, I guess things of the past should remain in the past. Besides, they don't amuse me anymore.
I have 30 minutes left before its time to go home.
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