500GB of memories

And so I went through my old external hard drive today. It is old indeed. I had it for 8 years already and I remember how I had to order it online and had it shipped to an address in the U.S. I asked my friend to let her boyfriend take it with him when he would come to the Philippines. At that time I was very excited to have a 500 GB of space for my personal files. I thought it was ultra amazing to have something as small sized as that to host all of my multimedia files in them. I toggled my folder to view hidden files and there... I saw this special one with all of our private moments together. They were indeed happy ones and some clips made me think that I could've done much better to make him happier. My love, he made me happy with the little things he said to me. He always knew what to say that I often caught myself smiling in solitude. It was everything he said that made me think he was my soulmate. There was hardly ever a time I wouldn't enjoy any conversation with him. My love, he makes my mind dance with sugar plums whenever I recall every single moment I have spent with him. There is this beautiful music in my head now. One played by Mohicans called " Day's Beginning" and all I think of is completely just him. I have tried again just as I have said in an earlier blog that I wouldn't want to come back to this kind of thoughts anymore. But I can't just do that. Something inside me involuntarily gets drawn back into that realm where he and I are alone with each other.

I remember the way he smiles and how he sits with his legs crossed. Funny but I often wonder how men would do that without squashing the tiny toys between their legs. He does it with grace though and I often times just smile and think wild thoughts while he seriously stares at me from across the table. I remember how he accidentally spilled his drink on himself when I danced without the music in front of him. In my mind, he might have found it utterly funny. But when I saw his serious look on his face unfaltering, I realized he liked my dance.

I called my sister-in-law today and I asked what she was doing. She said she was just having a fun time preparing something for my brother. Then she asked me if I knew that her mom now lives in Davao City. So I asked her why. She then told me that her mom had to go live with an old boyfriend of hers whom she never have met for more than 40 years already. Her husband (my sister-in-law's father) died some 3 years ago, so... who would think that she would again have that chance with her old boyfriend after 4 decades? "OLD" is the word said my sister-in-law, who was obviously disapproving of this all. But then I thought, how amazing can life be sometimes? And in this case, what kind of logic does apply?

Love is amazing. At times it does suck a lot but I'd like to think positive about it always. My mind does amazing things to me that I often times feel some hope even when at the moment there seem to be no way for these things to happen again. But.. who the heck knows?

By then I'd laugh. By then I'd be more amazed and awed and flabbergasted. I'd drop my jaw and wouldn't know where to start again. Catching up is such a difficult task if you were to think of it. But ... whatever! I have no words about life. It obviously differs for everybody.