I feel so distant. I feel tired of coming back in here. I feel that no matter what I do.. I am only drifting farther away from that moment when I was with him. There is nothing more I can remind him of. My scent no longer kindles his memories. I am dead.
When he lays himself down and stares at the ceiling, what does he think of? When he starts to open new online accounts and sets his profile photos, who does he think of? Is he even trying to make sure I don't see them? Or when he sets photographs of them, does he do it on purpose so that he thinks he is punishing me all the more in case I see them? If so then he is totally wrong. I no longer feel the same. I am numb to all of these and I no longer refute any thought that he is just a happy man where he is now. I can see that very well in his face. He has his chance of pulling things together without me and I am sure he is doing very well in it.
As for me.... life goes on. I will remain intense even when I feel these things only to myself. I will see far beyond anyone can see. I have come to know him more than I ever did when I listened to everything he had to say and promise to me.
I am dead. His lies have buried me where I never belonged in the first place.
I love eternally.. and yes... I am dead.
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