Nothing is impossible

It is a rainy Friday and I wished I could stay in bed some more. I woke up to the smell of a nice Italian brewed coffee in the kitchen and thought it would be nicer to have some pancakes. I was feeling heavy over a dream I had of him last night and the sadness in my heart just left me standing over a large pan of burning pancakes. I am sure my gaze has never left the innocent frying pan but my mind just flew somewhere beyond the really dark nimbus clouds above me.

I dreamed a very long one about him. I was in that familiar beach resort that I normally see in my other dreams. I don't think I have ever been to that place in my waking life nor am I sure that there indeed exists such a place. The scene was so vivid to me and I remember myself waiting for him. I was getting impatient and I was already crying for I realized how long it took him to be so far away from me. I never yet saw him for such a long time and he wasn't back yet from wherever he went. Then at last I saw him there but I couldn't come near him. He wasn't alone. She was seated next to him also and she did not look like she wanted to leave his side just in case. I stared at him from afar and I don't think he was aware of it at all. The scene suddenly changed and I was then out of the water and I was talking to her. She did not have any idea who I was and she was so eager to talk about her business and interested to know what I wanted to order from a magazine she was showing me. I stared and looked at the photos she was showing me and I was not a bit interested in buying anything from her. She said that she has been into that business for quite some time already... blah blah... And as she went to talk while my mind flew back to the past and my eyes never left her face. I studied her facial expressions and every contour of her face. I thought... she does look rather drab. I saw nothing in her face that made me think she had something far better than I do have. I looked at the shape of her body, then her hands... then her feet. I still could not find how she would be able to beat mine. Whatever made me think that in my dream, I just guess my sub conscious is doing great in trying to comfort me again and again even when in my waking life, I feel so helpless in finding the reason why my honey chose to leave me . She was wearing a blue bathrobe in my dream, and it did very little in concealing the shape of her body that is slowly succumbing to the slow decay of time. I looked at her face again and I could not help but cry and beg her in my mind to give me something she has that I so much need to have... something that I know would make me very happy even when she lent it to me for just one day. But she did not at all notice the pain in my eyes. I looked far beyond her and I saw him standing there. He did not at all cast a glance at me, nor did he seem aware of my presence at all. There was sorrow in his eyes and pain in every line of his forehead. He was looking far across the seas as though begging for something to change before his very eyes.

The scene changed and I was there in the same room where she and I were earlier in. I was not feeling well and I could feel him massaging my neck. I felt the warmth of his fingers at the back of my neck and I could feel the passion in every stroke he gave me. But then something happened... she flew in bursting in anger after witnessing that very scene. I did not have the words to explain what she just saw and all I did was wait for him to explain to her. I could not wait to hear his words about it. ..But I heard none. Instead I saw him get out of the room looking so problematic in his life. I could not ask him directly why he looked so sad, but I heard my neighbors suddenly talk to him asking if he was ok. He suddenly said he needed some money and that he is struggling so hard to put things in place in his life. He had financial problems in my dream and I was just standing there not able to do anything for him. I wanted him to talk to me and tell me what was bothering him. I wanted him to know that I am there to help him. I wanted him to feel that he could always still come to me and my arms will always be open for him no matter how much pain his abandonment has caused me. I wanted him to feel in my waking life that I am doing everything so I could be ready for anything with him anytime he changes his mind and decided that he wants me once again in his life. I wanted him to know that I would give up anything for a chance to be with him again. I wanted him to know that I love him so much and that I will always wait for him no matter how dire the chance seem to be now.