Summoning the Winds

I am loosing it now :( I try to keep his memory in my head but I could feel the pain that I don't want to keep forever. I don't want that pain. But it only gets stronger each day as the days move away from the last time I set eyes on him. I remember how I told him that I felt it was the last time I was gonna see him and wrap my arms around him. There is something about me too that makes me wonder sometimes- I can read minds and I can also be intuitive in many ways. My mind works in mysterious ways and somehow I have realized that everything I have thought of became true about him.

I miss him but he hurts me. I hurt because I feel so much about him. Never in my life have I been hurt this way and never in my life has my soul ever loved this way.The pain he has caused me is one that lingers on. It is unlike any other in my life where I can just sometimes brush off so easily. But him... I yearn even after 5 long years of not seeing him. I love even after all the painful words I got from him. His tongue is sharper than any sword described in books and it pierced me sooo deep not because they were true but because I could not believe he did not choose them carefully. I could not believe that after 7 long years, the best he could come up with were those kind of words for me? Why my love? Why in such a manner? I have looked up at you in ways you might have never known. I have adored you and respected you in ways you have never ever thought of. But why did you think I deserved those words from you? I just don't understand really. How could you have banished me in such a way that you needed to make me feel like I am the ugliest person in the world you have ever known? You know that that was not the kind you have ever shown me whenever you were with me. Somehow you made me think the way I did and act the way I did towards you. I feel sad that I could not think of any good thing anymore about the the last words you've uttered. I feel I did not deserve them at all. You have been so unfair to me and I regret to feel this way. How could you ever live happily while in the back of your head, you know you've hurt someone who did nothing but love you? My heart and soul knows you so much, but this lifetime seems so cruel that it shows nothing but the truth behind the facade you have put on while with me. But because I love, I see no one else suffering but me.