Love means....

I went to the spa today for a nice full-body massage. Expensive, but i think it made me really relax during and after the session.

I remember the lucky times when I did not have to pay for a service like that. He gave me nice back massages too when he came to see me. He did not do it as professionally as the masseuse did today, but of course I would prefer him a million times over anybody else. His presence and him being him was more therapeutic to me than his massage.

Everything I do in a day reminds me of him. I don't know where to place my brain whenever I get drowned in thoughts of him. It is so hard to quit someone like him even when he has long been gone before he even said goodbye to me. Had I been given the choice, I will make sure that I never have to be in this particular situation now where no matter what I do or no matter how much tears I cry, I won't get the feeling that he will still want to come back to me.

When the moon is full, I still stare at it and hope I would have signs that he does look at the moon too and still whispers his thoughts for me.

Him him him him him.... always HIM! Whew I just don't get it. Why the hell can't I be as angry as he is at me and just forget all about him?

If only he comes back to me, I will make sure that he never has to say he is sorry.