All about missing you

Funny how I was trying to write my blogs offline for days, I all of a sudden feel as though I no longer have the drive to go online anymore. It is almost as though I no longer need to come online. For years I have been checking here and there and even trying to open my old email accounts that have been left dormant for such a long long time, in hopes that I could find a trace of his love for me. But I don’t seem to have that luck anymore. Maybe luck comes with age. I know I would be seeing something on Friendster especially in the “who’s viewed me” list, but I prefer not to have a look at all anymore for fear that I would not be able to still accept the fact that he is gone. I now feel like I have totally wasted my time on something I could’ve prevented from happening even before it has started. But what can I do? I was too weak to resist. I thought all the sweet words he has uttered would take me somewhere in my life where I could be totally happy. I thought, whatever we promised each other would all be kept till the end of time. How come now I am alone left to look at the old blue skies high above me and whisper a hopeful message to the moon for him to be back in my arms again? How come he is the only one who feels happy now? How come I no longer know what is going on with him in his life? He no longer cares about me. He no longer sees me in his dreams or even smiles with every single memory he has shared with me. Or is the thought of me ever still sweeping his mind?