Where are you?

I found all the videos, letters, email copies, little mementos and phone call records that my honey has given me all throughout our relationship together and I admit that I am tempted to just send it all to him and remind him of the things he has left behind and at the same time prove to her that I do not bluff about anything. I wanted to let everyone know the truth too about our love story in case he has just been lying all the while about us both. ... but then I stopped to think, What's the point? I do not see any point to all these since I know that I was not at all loved nor even cared for as much as I was made to think. I have been in love with a man who never even remembers anything he has done with me. Or worse, he might have even lied about me all the while. It is sad that I am left alone now to just wonder on my own. I could not even expect any answer from him. He has been so very unfair to me and I just wish there would never come a time in his life that he would have to expect the same and he would never get anything at all in return.

Dear Cardinal Zen,
Where are you my dear friend? I miss talking to you. You have never showed up for such a long time already. I wish you would suddenly just emerge from the dead and talk to me again. I am in pain as I always am and today I feel worse since I have nobody to talk to who would understand me as much as you do. How I wish you were god so that you would straight away answer all my prayers and even have the power to give me the thing that I really wanted so much to have. I have nothing to write about today even. I have nobody in my mind but him again. Tell me my dear friend why this is all happening to me? You have many times told me how beautiful I am and how I mean to ones like you, but how come he does not see me in such a way as you do? Why is he not coming to me to explain to me why he has to hurt me like this? Be the reason be bad or good, I still wanted to know.

My dearest friend, I envy your happiness now. I wish I have the same and that I would be very happy too soon. I have seen photos of your new baby. Congratulations and I wish you will always be happy. Take good care of yourself and I wish you more of the things you have now. Cheers mate!